Re: Andy's Poems

by Denjie Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:51 pm

personally, I have no issues with this. I suggest that one of the staff make this a sticky. This is a good thread.

by foxrock66(Roadkill) Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:10 pm

by Denjie Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:12 pm

there ya go Andy, it's all good. Smile

by Hawk Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:28 pm

I have to say....I really really enjoy reading your poems...They are very good!!

by frang Sun Jan 23, 2011 11:03 pm

I agree, good poetry. I liked this one, too, except there's something slightly off in the last stanza.

Memories of you are forever,
Life without you is unbearable,
My mask is back and repelling,
My feelings will never change only strengthen.

When I read it out loud, the very last line kinda . . . clangs a little bit. I'm not good at critiquing poetry, so I don't know exactly how to say it. That last line just doesn't quite want to fit in. I don't know why. I hope this is a help.

by AndyVC Mon Jan 24, 2011 5:42 am

i think you noticed that 3 of the 4 lines were about her and one wasn't.

by AndyVC Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:52 pm

The Old Days

When I close my eyes,
I see your perplexing beauty,
When I lay down and dream,
I spend a lifetime with your curious mind.

You used to be shy and sad,
I stopped and talked,
You became forceful and happy,
I was trapped and loved.

Time went by, love was torn,
I dream of the day it's revived,
Time went by, scars were healed,
I wonder waiting for a repeat.

Your essence used to crowd me,
My senses were weakened,
Your memories still haunt me,
My mind linger in the past.

I helped you open up,
We fell in love,
I was torn from you,
We were greatly saddened.

Your memory is everlasting,
My mind is forever darkened,
You used to cry tears of joy,
Now we cry tears of the heart.

by Mello Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:11 pm

Just a question andy how long do these typically take you?

by AndyVC Mon Jan 24, 2011 5:36 pm

Mello wrote:Just a question andy how long do these typically take you?

minutes, sometimes hours

by Mello Mon Jan 24, 2011 6:50 pm

hmm i see lol, wide range

by AndyVC Tue Jan 25, 2011 2:49 pm

Frozen Dream

Standing alone in the wastes,
Barren, Deserted and Lost.
Staring off in the distance,
Dark, Mountainous and Clouded.

I start walking,
From slow to fast.
Things start to change,
From mountainous to a frosted park.

I stop next to a lake,
Frozen but Guarding.
When I looked down,
Frozen but Alive.

Amazed and curious I looked down,
Frozen but alive the lakes prisoner was,
Determined and hopeful I cracked the ice,
Dieing but happy I chased my dream in the icy waters.

by AndyVC Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:39 pm

A Broken Heart's Fear

I question my purpose,
Curious, Confusing and Unknown.
You question your choices,
Good, Bad, and Concerning.

I fight a uphill battle,
Steep, Painful, but Rewarding.
You fight a losing battle,
Not forgiving, Not forgetting but Always falling.

I fight to share a word,
Happy, Loving and Fulfilling.
You keep defending,
Afraid, Trust-less and Broken.

I question my purpose to no avail,
We both fight for different reasons,
You fight me out of fear of being broken once more,
I fight to show you the heavens that lie in wait.

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