"Time" Project

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Jack on Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:08 am

wife would be plagued with morning sickness.

This should be wife had been or something of the matter..

The ending kinda was umm, a let down. It was a rather bland story, while it had a nice flow and everything it just lacked excitement. Lacked build up and while it was heartwarming about the baby it was a little bit of an anti-climax. Also, Abel names his daughter Abigal? Kinda similar names..
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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Deviss on Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:28 am

Jack™ wrote:The ending kinda was umm, a let down. It was a rather bland story, while it had a nice flow and everything it just lacked excitement. Lacked build up and while it was heartwarming about the baby it was a little bit of an anti-climax. Also, Abel names his daughter Abigal? Kinda similar names.

It wasn't meant to be an "exciting" ending. Again, had I wanted to be "exciting" or "grimy" as you put, I would have started shortly before or right as her water broke. I viewed it as more of a step down from the Hack & Slash from the last Piece. You're treating this as a full-length, 30 Chapter+ Story. When it will only be one Chapter.

This is meant to be a tender/happy moment. Abel and Odette have just had their first child and their family is with them.

I read through it again, and while I plan on re-working it to fit the Time Period from the last Piece, everything is how I want it to be. As are the names.

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Jack on Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:14 pm

Well if you want it to be heartwarming you achieved it, i just think it would have a lot of potential if you were to make it longer or something it would be better.
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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Deviss on Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:08 pm

I'm quite sure that when I adjust this to fit with the "Conviction" timeline it could be longer. I'm not figuring it will be up to five pages but, I'm sure it will be slightly longer than it is now.

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Jack on Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:15 pm

You could totally make a 100 page book out of it Razz
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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Deviss on Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:51 pm

Haha, doubt that. Though I do plan on having the Story be at least 35 Chapters, maaaaybe a little higher than that.

Once I've got this re-worked to match the "Conviction" time line, I'll be sure to post it.

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Jack on Thu Jan 27, 2011 8:18 pm

You could always interlock your first story with this one, changing the names of course and it could be kinda cool. Just an idea.

Oh and 1000th post in this section..
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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Deviss on Thu Jan 27, 2011 8:20 pm

If you're getting at me putting the two together... I was already planning on doing that. Hence me repeating "I plan on re-working it to fit the first's time line" or "when I have time, I'll re-work this piece". Wink

Oh and I'm keeping the Character names the way they are now. Just gonna think up how to connect the two pieces and when to bring them into the actual Story.

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Jack on Thu Jan 27, 2011 8:28 pm

Maybe they run into each other while on some adventure Rolling Eyes
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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Deviss on Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:39 pm

Don't make it sound so inviting Jack Razz Rolling Eyes

Come to think of it, I may do a Chapter or two on their Backstories and how they met... Eh, that will be down the line.

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Jack on Fri Jan 28, 2011 5:46 pm

Dude, you gotta write these things down. So that "Down the line" you have em all done Razz
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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Deviss on Fri Jan 28, 2011 5:52 pm

Dude, I'm just writing the ideas I get from these Songs. I have no idea what the main Story is going to be... for the meantime anyway.

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Jack on Fri Jan 28, 2011 5:58 pm

An adventure into a new kingdom, along they way they meet a bunch of villagers who want to revolt against there evil king and then they have huge battles and in the end overthrow the king and chop his head off with the sword of destiny? XD
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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Deviss on Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:03 pm

Shaddap. Rolling Eyes That's way to cliche anyway.

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Re: "Time" Project

Post by Rinku on Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:22 pm

Deviss™ wrote:Shaddap. Rolling Eyes That's way to cliche anyway.

Is the premise of Fable 3 and that game turned out pretty freaking amazing.

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